Life takes unexpected turns and one year ago today I encountered a 180 degree turn that shook me to my core for 365 days. It has shaped my view of life, purpose, and work in ways that are tangible. This is the first time I’ve written about the tragedy on this platform and wondered about the appropriateness of it. I happened to hear Sheryl Sandberg’s commencement speech at U.C. Berkley and decided to lean in myself and write some of what I’ve learned from the tragedy in hopes that you might glean something from the lessons I’ve learned in the past 365 days.

365 days ago, I received the dreaded 3 a.m. phone call that no one ever wants to receive. My daughter-in-law and granddaughter had been in a “pedestrian-vehicular” accident. My daughter-in-law underwent surgery for life threatening brain trauma. After 3 months in a coma, she came back to us and has been recovering through intensive therapies and support from my son, her husband, ever since. The accident left her with memory loss which continues to come back bit by bit. A southern belle to her core, Belinda was and still is beautiful. The differences are slight between what I’ve come to know as “B.T”, before the accident, and “A.T.”, after the tragedy. One unexpected difference that is a delight is her lack of filter. She speaks her mind with no care of if you like what she is saying or not. She inspires me to be that free.

There is another difference in life from B.T to A.T; we lost my precious granddaughter, Bella. Bella was five years old and had just finished kindergarten. She loved to laugh and sing, draw and dance, and she was mischievous. She was the light in her father’s eyes and joy of our hearts. The pain of her loss hit deeply. As I watched my son struggle with the reality of what had happened, my heart ached with the pain of a mother who was at a loss on how to parent an adult through such grief. I watched as he walked with his own grief while celebrating that his wife was still breathing, and I was struck by his graciousness, his composure, his depth of love. How did I ever raise such a lovely human being?

It’s been a year of lessons learned. People said a year would make all the difference. Grief is still my companion; yet it has been joined by Healing which tempers Grief when he wants to rush in and consume me. Sometimes we walk together through this process. Other times we run, oftentimes we pause to reflect. It has been in those moments of reflection that I realize what they have taught me on this journey.

1. Live life to the fullest. It’s true what they say. You never know when life will end. Life has a way of marching along and before you know it, you are at it’s end. Or it comes to an end far too quickly and suddenly. Are you dreaming of traveling the world or writing a book? Don’t wait. Book the trip. I am at this moment researching a trip to London and another to Italy. It’s my very own Eat, Pray, Love trip and way, way overdue. Step outside your comfort zone. Embrace life and live it now. Live to its fullest.

2. Your most precious gifts in life are family and friends. My family and friends are my treasure, my lifeline. I now live closer to my family. I make every effort to arrange my calendar to be at their dance recitals and award ceremonies. I make time for ice cream parlor trips and walks on the square and building forts in the living room out of blankets. I may not always live in the same small town they live in now, but while I’m here I will be present in the “now” moments of their lives. Make time for your family. The small things you are missing matter. As for my friends, my extended family – I am blessed. I have a small circle that are scattered throughout the country. I’m flying to see one in St. Petersburg in a few weeks. I’m meeting another for lunch. My friends sustain me, laugh with me (and at me on occasion!), and while work keeps us all busy, we manage to maintain our friendships because they matter, because we are important to each other, and because we are real with each other and never “fake”. They are all a part of my Tribe of the Magic Sisters, my unique band of misfits, troublemakers, and super smart women who could run the world (some do run companies). They keep me grounded, give me space to be heard and seen. They make me want to be a better me. We carry each other and love each other. So, find your tribe. Cherish your family and friends. And to my tribe – I love each of you deeply.

3. Choose to be kind. We all have a choice that we can take on any given day, in any given moment. We can choose to be kind, to be helpful. I can’t tell you how grateful I and my family were for the kind strangers who went out of their way to be helpful while waiting at the hospital. Some had loved ones of their own they were waiting anxiously to hear news of. Since then, scores of wonderful, kind people have come my way, and I now look for opportunities to be kind, to be compassionate to others. And don’t just look to be kind to others who look and act like you. Who are the “others” in your life? Maybe they have a different faith than you, or live outside the exclusive neighborhood you live in, or look different than you. Be kind. Reach out across the man-made designs that divide us as humans and create kindness for humans being in your life. That’s really what all of us are – “humans being”. It’s easier to “be” in this life with kindness and compassion.

4. Feed your soul and nurture yourself. I’ve learned to spend time on me. I moved to a loft on the river where the river runs over rocks and kayaking is a norm. I call it my Soul Space. Any tension I have leaves me immediately when I get home. And, I joined a gym (fancy high heels are not allowed so I’ll need some fancy Adidas) and I’m learning to eat well and take care of myself after stress eating my way through the past year. My first goal is to lose 10% body weight and work on cardio. My reward will be a hike in the Appalachians with one of the Tribe of Magic Sisters. I’ve learned to meditate and I’m learning yoga (slowly, slowly, slowly). I’m looking for a faith community in my new town. What inspires you? Nurtures you? Do that.

5. Reach for your highest aspirations and find your purpose. My purpose has always been education and I transitioned to a new job during this year of grief. I made the decision to leave a school I loved (and still do) to work as a school designer/professional development specialist. It was a hard decision but, when Bella passed, I knew I had made the right choice. I could not have emotionally made it through each day if I had continued to be an elementary principal. My love for the students, the hugs of first graders and laughter of third graders would have been daily reminders that Bella was never going to run through the halls of her school, or have another field day, or win a spelling bee, or graduate high school. When I took this position, I fervently hoped that the mission of the organization was something that truly lived within and across the organization. You know what I’m saying. Many companies have beautifully written mission statements that are just that, statements. What I found after one year was an organization that truly lives its values. We work hard and we are there for each other in the messy, hard work. My colleagues support me fully and push me to deliver my best self everyday. We are crew in every sense of the word. And, in my region, we are coined our own hashtag, ‪#‎baar‬. The Bad Ass Atlantic Region. They are my people, part of my tribe.

This has been the hardest year of my adult life. And it’s been, in many ways, the most wonderful year. I’ve learned to find “the beauty of survival, resiliency, and of hope in life”.

What makes a story compelling? What makes it powerful? We all love a good story but are we good at telling them? I’m fascinated by people’s stories – where people come from, how someone launched their product or career, how a company navigated change. I always learn something about the person and the company when I hear a story – don’t you? One only needs to check out the growth of companies like TED or BIF to understand our fascination as humans with stories.

How do we learn to tell good stories? Is it a skill we can teach and learn? I think so.

My students tell stories through what we call learning expeditions. They learn about a problem, research the problem, and look for actionable solutions for change. They are guided through several iterations – testing and redesigning solutions before arriving at one they think will solve the problem they chose to research. At the end of the learning process, students present those solutions to an authentic audience. Next week, the second graders will be presenting their solutions for restructuring the recycling effort at my school to the school board of directors.  A few weeks ago, the fourth graders presented possible solutions to the city parks department that would improve the local playground and make it more accessible for disabled children. Children can and do learn to tell compelling stories for change. One of my favorite stories from a student came from Camille Beatty. I was fortunate to hear Camille’s story at Business Innovation Factory last year. Listening to her tell her story about how she used her passion to launch a robotics business at age 10 inspired me as an educator and a storyteller.

Adults can tell compelling stories, too. My friend, Tim McDonald tells amazing stories that inspire people to end hunger at No Kid Hungry. Chris Brogan tells stories that inspire others to grow their capacity as owners, something I’m working on. My friend, Angela Maiers inspires countless people by simply telling them they matter. I was invited a couple of years ago to tell a story at TEDxPeachtree about why we should re-imagine how we view educators. I spoke about why connecting with them via social media sets the stage for cross-pollination of ideas across business, arts, and education sectors. Not a bad story but I’d like to learn how to tell better stories, more compelling stories. Stories that inspire change for good.

So, what’s your story? What stories do you tell as a leader that inspires action toward what you value or a desired outcome? I’d love to hear your story.

Educators are no strangers to change; education is constantly evolving.  One only needs to look at implementation of Common Core, increased use of blended learning, leanings toward more individualized learning and the push toward student entrepreneurship to see some of the major trends in education. Whether you are a superintendent or a building principal, you will be tasked to drive change for a number of reasons. What will change and how that change happens require you to think strategically about whether you are seeing incremental change versus transformational change.

The definition of incremental change is that it usually involves small adjustments that are put in place toward an intended result. Typically, incremental changes do not pose a threat to existing structures or methods. Transformational change involves a shift in the culture of your school or district that results in a change in the underlying strategy and processes of the school or district and is enacted over a period of time.  Transformational changes in education are the result of a shift in the very fabric of the school culture and require a growth mindset.

One of the most notable transformational changes in the past few years in education involves how teachers are taking ownership of their own professional development through the unconference model, EdCamp. EdCamp is #6 in this year’s Top 10 Most Innovative Companies of 2015, by Fast Company. Built on the premise that teachers can own their own learning, edcamps are a transformational change in how educators grow professionally. EdCamp has become the tool or structure that many individual educators are using to enhance their own practice.

But what about transformational change in your building that involves deeply embedded structures and processes? What kinds of tools can a company use to position its people toward change?

Enter the Concerns Based Adoption Model (CBAM). CBAM was developed by SEDL, an affiliate of American Institutes for Research based in Austin, Texas. According to SEDL,

“Successfully implementing a new program involves more than providing staff with materials, resources, and training. An often overlooked factor is the human element—the people actually doing the work. Each person will respond to a new program with unique attitudes and beliefs, and each person will use a new program differently. The three diagnostic dimensions of the Concerns-Based Adoption Model (CBAM) provide tools and techniques that enable leaders to gauge staff concerns and program use in order to give each person the necessary supports to ensure success.”

As a school leader, I’ve used CBAM to address the concerns my staff has had whenever we’ve implemented new structures, tools and/or processes. As an educational leader and co-founder of EdCamp Atlanta, CBAM allowed a collaborative way for the founders to work together and move the edcamp movement forward in the southeast region.

So, what tools are in your toolbox? How do you address the unique attitudes and beliefs about change that each person you lead brings to the organization? I’d be interested to hear your story.

I often feel challenged to write. As a principal, my days are filled with students and teachers learning and growing together. And it’s busy! But, one of my goals is to be a writer and this is an area where I know I need to grow. I am taking a step, a leap really. I’m putting on my cape. I’ve been a member of Chris Brogan’s Brave New Year group for some time. If you haven’t heard of it, you can check it out here. (You should join. No, really.)

I’ve met some interesting people in this group and I’m learning a lot about success and failure. In school we spend a great deal of time working toward success, yet we speak little to failure. I recently spoke with Drew Marshall at Primed Associates about why teaching students what failure looks like and feels like is important. Don’t get me wrong, success in school is the ultimate goal. But where do we teach students how to be resilient? To persevere?

And I’ve been asking myself since that interview how often I allow myself to fail and learn from that failure. How about you? What’s your resilience factor?